


Meeting Adjourned

by orphan_account



Series: Click Here To Know About The Author Of The Orphaned Fics in this Series [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bad Puns, Bottom Merlin (Merlin), Dirty Jokes, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Eye Sex, Funny, Hilarious, Hilarity Ensues, In Public, Innuendo, King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), King Merlin (Merlin), Knights of the round table POV, Knights suffer from pOEtRy, Lancelot is alive, M/M, Public Display of Affection, Puns & Word Play, Resolved Sexual Tension, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Smut, Top Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), because he deserved better, public dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:07:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Merlin and Arthur, as the Kings of Camelot, can do as they wish.But then they began disgracing every council meeting with their innuendoes and dirty jokes and eye-fucking. When they immediately adjourned the meeting every time, so that they could go back to their chambers and have sex, the knights of the round table decide that they've gone a step too far.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Click Here To Know About The Author Of The Orphaned Fics in this Series [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785454
Comments: 12
Kudos: 250
Collections: Extraordinary Merlin FanFics, MERLIN, MERTHUR, Merlin, Merlin Fanfiction, Merlin Reverse Bang, Merlin Stories to Reread, Merthur, Merthur fics, merthur fics





	Meeting Adjourned

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, PLEASE read this one! It's hilarious! Those who liked my other oneshot 'Terms of Endearment and The Effect They Have', will especially love this!  
> If you enjoy, (which I'm sure you will<3), please leave a kudos, and don't forget to tell me what you think in the comments!

“There are rumours spreading in town that Cendred is planning to infiltrate our kingdom.", Lancelot said, from his seat at the round table. “From the information we have gathered, we have, give or take, two months.”

“Then we must strengthen our forces and defence strategies at the earliest.”, King Merlin said, his eyes serious and determined.

King Arthur didn’t look like he was paying attention at all. Instead, he was looking at his husband who was sitting next to him, with a small smirk on his lips. Out of the blue, the blonde said, _“We must try rimming.”_

Merlin’s head snapped in his direction, his cheeks visibly turning red. _“What?_ ”, he asked. Gwaine suppressed a snort.

“I said we must try rimming.”, Arthur repeated. When Merlin just raised his eyebrows, he added, “I meant, we must have more guards rimming the palace. We must have the fortifications and outlying villages rimmed by guards. Anyone entering or leaving the kingdom must be thoroughly inspected.”

“ _Oh_. Right. Of course.”, Merlin muttered, his face still flushed, which earned another smirk from Arthur. 

The blonde stood up, grabbing Merlin’s arm and pulling him up with him. “So I say let’s _immediately_ put the regime of rimming into practice.” He gave the sorcerer a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. “ _Shall we, your majesty?”_

Before Merlin could answer, Arthur announced, _“Meeting adjourned.”,_ and dragged away his husband to their private chambers.

* * *

“What happened today at the council meeting was. . .”, Elyan said that evening, when all he knights sat in the training field, after another tiring training session. “I don’t even know what that was.”

“ _That_ , my friend,”, Gwaine said, grinning wolfishly. “was _poetry_. Leon knows all about it.”

Leon rolled his eyes. “I guess it isn’t our concern. They did abruptly adjourn the meeting and leave, but soon after, Arthur and Merlin made sure that all the changes that were suggested during the meeting were implemented.”

“Yeah, I’m sure the _rimming_ part was implemented, too, from the look on Merlin’s face when we saw him again.”, Gwaine said, smirking.

“ _So_ ,”, Leon went on, stubbornly ignoring Gwaine's completely unnecessary comment. “I think it’s best for us not to interfere.”

_But the knights didn’t know that it was about to get much worse._

* * *

“We must introduce new methods of training to our knights.”, Arthur said during a council meeting. “Even though the current ones are satisfactory, we must try to improve them, all the same.”

Today, Arthur seemed to be engrossed in the subject of the meeting. But Merlin apparently had other plans.

“Yeah,”, he said, his voice lacking its usual serious tone, which was replaced by a playful one. “A good knight must know how to handle a. . . _sword_.”, he said, turning to look at the blonde at the last word. “They should all be familiar with the good old techniques of. . . _Tugging, twisting and Teasing.”_

“Ugh. . .”, Percival interrupted. “Are we still talking about training methods?”

Merlin and Arthur finally stopped eye-fucking, and Merlin looked at Percival. He smiled. “ _Of course_.”, He said, and stood up. “The new methods of training will be introduced to the knights soon. However, now I’m afraid that you must excuse your Kings.” 

Before anyone could protest, King Merlin announced, “ _Meeting adjourned_.”

* * *

“Okay, seriously?”, Lance asked during dinner. “ _Tugging, twisting and teasing?”_

“They are not even trying to be subtle anymore.”, Gwaine said. “That was not an innuendo. It was a blatant and obvious dirty joke.”

“Well, thank goodness _those_ are not the new techniques Arthur taught us during training today.”, Elyan said, snorting.

“Yeah.”, Leon agreed. “In fact, the new blocking methods and defence strategies are extremely good.”, he waited a beat before adding, “I _still_ don’t think we need to interfere.”

* * *

“Few of Odin’s men had been spotted at our kingdom's territory last night.”, Percival reported.

“I did suspect that he was being unusually silent for a long time. . .”, Merlin said. He fiddled with the parchments on the round table, his face screwed up in concentration.

Suddenly, Arthur spoke up. “ _Penetration_.”

“I beg your pardon??”, Lancelot asked incredulously.

“We must penetrate into their forces.”, Arthur said, tearing his hungry eyes from his husband, and looking at the knights. “We must plant a mole amongst their guards to find out Odin’s intentions. Someone bold enough to take up the task. . .”, he cleared his throat. “We will decide who the mole will be soon. Right now, Merlin and I have much more urgent _needs_ to attend to.”

Both the Kings stood up. Arthur looked at Merlin like a tiger at a deer. He almost purred, “ _Meeting adjourned.”_

* * *

“It’s getting out of hand.”, Leon said as soon as their Kings had rushed in the direction of their chambers. 

“Yeah. For a second I thought they were going to start fucking on the round table.”, Gwaine said.

“ _‘thought’,_ or _‘hoped',_ Gwaine?”, Percival asked, smirking. Laughter rang out among the knights. 

“But on a more serious note,”, Elyan said, “it’s not right. The purpose of council meetings is to discuss concerns of the State. We can’t let our Kings degrade the holy round table.”

“I agree with Elyan.”, Lancelot said. 

“Alright.”, Leon said. “We will talk to them first thing tomorrow.”

* * *

The next day, the knights of the round table stood in front of their Kings.

“What is it, Leon?”, Merlin asked kindly. “You know you don’t need to hesitate.”

“We don’t wish to take advantage of the way you treat us as your friends, Your Majesties. But we have come to notice something that we can no longer avoid. It’s the elephant in the room.”

“Go on.”, Arthur said.

“Well, it’s about the council meetings, My Lord. All due respect, Sire, you both tend to make inappropriate and filthy comments during the meetings. These sessions are meant only for discussing about the betterment of the kingdom. We feel that such conversations degrade the—”

“Hold on.”, Arthur cut him off, raising a hand. “Inappropriate comments? Filthy conversations? What are you talking about, Leon?”

“Yeah,”, Merlin agreed, a look of confusion on his face, “I have no idea what this is about.”

“Your Majesties,”, Gwaine said, “We’re talking about your. . . _innuendos_.”

“Gwaine, I’m quite certain that I have never intentionally slipped in an innuendo during a council meeting.”, Arthur said seriously. “All I talk about is matters of State concern."

“The same goes for me.”, Merlin added.

The knights were left speechless. Had they been mistaken? Could it be that their Kings really were talking about just rimming the palace with guards, teaching sword techniques and penetrating the enemy's defence? 

Before any further damage could be done, Leon cleared his throat, “We sincerely apologize for the misinterpretation, Your Majesties. Thank you.”

And with that, they left the court room.

* * *

_Later that night, in the royal chambers. . ._

_“Oh! Oh, fuck, Arthur! Right there!”_ , Merlin moaned as his husband pounded into him. “ _Fuck, I’m gonna— I'm—"_

They both came in an embarrassingly short time. Arthur kissed Merlin on the lips, and rolled off his husband, onto the bed. After his breathing was back to normal, he asked, “Do you think the knights bought it?”

Merlin grinned evilly _._ “I _know_ they did _.”_

**Author's Note:**

> The End


End file.
